the most wonderful time of the year

Never in my life have I been so ready for the holidays. Growing up, I always watched Hallmark and Lifetime movies with my Mama and saw where families would get so excited when loved ones would come home after being away and I just never quite understood it because all of my family was always together anyway. 

This year, though, I do understand it for two reasons. The first one is, I have been away. Even though I go home pretty much every weekend, I am still away a lot of the time and miss out on most of the day to day activities at home. I am so excited to go home and fellowship with all of my family and to truly appreciate each other and not have to worry about leaving again for a while. I am excited to decorate the house with all of the Christmas trees and garland. I am ready to wake up next to Clay and snuggle in every day, to stay up until midnight catching up with my Mama as we stand in opposite sides of the kitchen. I am ready to just be home in my bed every night. I can't wait to have a homecoming similar to the ones on all of the movies I have always watched growing up! 

Second, this year, my family experienced loss like never before with the death of my Aunt Lisa. I know for me and I think for the rest of them, the holidays and time together will mean something more than years prior because we have learned how important today is. We are all only guaranteed the second that we are in right now. Tomorrow may literally never come. The time spent together on the holidays should be the happiest of all times and while I know that this year will be hard because it will be the first without her, I hope that we can truly cherish each other for we never know who may leave us between this year and next.. 

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc are truly the most wonderful time of the year. Fellowship with family and friends is something that goes unmatched in matters of the heart and will forever be cherished in this heart of mine. 

Clay Ellis

Dear Clay,

I am sorry that I am not home most of the time. I hate that I have to miss out on day to day life with you. I miss you more than you could ever know. I hope that one day you understand the temporary sacrifices I am making right now for both me but more importantly, you. 

You see, you came a little early in the grand scheme of things and of life. You came right before Mama had to make big decisions about where life would lead me next. Temporarily thinking about what lied ahead, I was content in staying at home with both you and your daddy. But then, he and I decided to go our separate ways. I knew then I needed a change. Your "E-Ma" and "Pa-Pa" love me and you both so much that they offered to keep you so that I could start over and move away to school. I took their offer because even then I knew that I couldn't stay at home to be a full time Mama and college student. I knew that I wanted to do my very best at school so that I could provide the best future for us, me and you. 

I do not regret my decision because I know it is something I have to do. However, it does not change the fact that I miss you everyday and the older you get, the more I miss out on everyday. There are nights when my heart just aches because I want nothing more than to be home with you, to play with you, fedd you, bathe you and then rock you to sleep. But I am doing the best I can here at the best little school in America, Mercer University. I hope that one day you can read this or something similar and be proud of me. One day I will be able to better provide for us because of the education I am receiving here. 

In the meantime, please be sweet to your "E-Ma", "Pa-Pa", Aunt Lilly, Uncle Jakey, and Allison! They are helping us out more than you will ever know! I cannot wait to see all of you on Tuesday!

Love you to the moon and back, little one.

Concerts and Jesus

I shared before my love for music and the sharing of that love that was between Aunt Lisa and I for all types of music, but especially country genre. I mean if she and I had a list of what we loved most, after Jesus Christ and family, I am quite positive that both of us would have country music as a close third. Aside from just the music, we LOVED country music concerts. So much so that for my birthday and/or Christmas the last several years, I got concert tickets so that she and I could go.

I remember my first concert, at the time, I was in the second grade. She and my mama signed me out of school and we traveled down to Jacksonville, Fl to see Kenny Chesney, Dierks Bentley, and Keith Urban. I felt on top of the world; I mean, a concert of those three was every girls dream at the time. I still remember the tshirt I got; a pale yellow Kenny Chesney shirt with a picture of him at the beach on the front and a list of his tour dates on the back.

After that memorable first one, we saw icons like Rascal Flatts with Kellie Pickler; Jason Aldean (about 5 times, he was/is my fave) with Lauren Alaina; Toby Keith with Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert (before either of them became big); Tim McGraw with Jason Aldean; Lady Antebellum; Eric Church with Brantley Gilbert; and finally, Luke Bryan (also about 5 times, he was her favorite). Needless to say, it was out favorite pastime. There are certain lessons/rules/memorable sayings that we had that I will always hold dear to my heart.

1. Months before the concert, it was imperative to download any song by the artist we didn't already have and listen to it along with all of the other songs by them so that we knew ALL of the words to EVERY one.
2. Because we went well prepared, we took it upon ourselves to always point out the "dummies" who wouldn't sing or worse, would sing even when they clearly did not know the words. (that was probably her worst pet peeve)
3. If you're going to spend money on a ticket, why not spend a little extra and "do it big"? By that, I mean if you are going to a concert, "nose bleeds" seats are not an option. Buy them ahead and sit close enough so that you can actually enjoy Luke's dance moves or Jason's trademark head nod.
4. Time is of the essence; it is important to arrive in plenty of time. You just never know what can happen between arrival time and time of the concert. The opening act is not something to take lightly. Never know what kind of hit star they may become, everyone has to start somewhere.
5. NEVER do you leave the FIRST time that the headliner goes off the stage, they always come back and you never know what they will sing or do in the encore. More often than not, it is the best part of the show.
6. Finally, make friends with those around you. Drunk or not, you never know what can happen. Rarely have I attended a concert and left without considering the people next to me "acquaintances", may have been drunk ones, but acquaintances none the less.

Said all of that to say, of all the concerts we went too, never did we attend Luke Bryan's Farm Tour together. Which was rather a shame considering he comes within five miles of my house every single year. I was always the stickler for not wanting to go. This year, with me being in Macon and him also coming here to play, I meant that I was going, and since her passing, I somehow felt like I owed it to her to go because bless her heart, she contemplated going literally every year only for me to talk her out of it. Due to drama with friends, I arrived late which I could see her rolling her eyes with disappointment because she taught me better. Got there and I soon realized why I had never wanted to go. A field with everyone and their mama drunk off of their butts. No seats to separate people, no security at every row to keep things in line, and no designated smoking areas or trash cans every where you looked. Just a field with a bunch of drunk rednecks. Awful. 

Beyond that, for me, it was more awful because that was the first concert I attended without her. Lonely had instantly reached a whole new level. I felt so lost, for the one person I wanted to be there with me, I realized would never be able to attend another one with me. I am so thankful that we did share that love for country music and country concerts because now that I have the first one under my belt, I hope that the concerts I choose to attend in the future will be the places in which I feel her presence with me the most and instead of feeling lonely, I will feel a beautiful, singing angel next to me.

Thank God for Jesus. Thank God for family. Thank God for memories. Thank God for country music. Thank God for concerts.  

God as a friend

I posted a quote from one of my favorite books and movies on Facebook a while back that said this, "Never forget that God is your friend. And like all friends, He longs to hear what's been happening in your life. Good or bad, whether it's been full of sorrow or anger, or even when you're questioning why terrible things have to happen."

At the time, I did it for the moment of mere inspiration it provided me, in hopes that it might do the same for another. I never knew the truth it would hold in the days and weeks to come. As you know, my family and I have experienced disease which led to a quick, unfortunate death to one of my most treasured people on the Earth. Going home on Friday and knowing that it literally could be any second made me feel sick to my stomach. However, on that drive back home, I did in fact talk to God and tell Him what was going on (as if He didn't already know), I talked to Him and just asked Him to provide us with peace and comfort in the days to come. Prior, I had asked Him to please just help Aunt Lisa to quit suffering. 

Sunday morning was the time. It happened, 7 am Sunday morning. I remember walking into the living room to find mama and Clay in the rocking chair and I just knew. It had happened. My role model and one of my best friends was gone. Just like that. Sunday, though, was not when it hit. I spent the rest of that day totally in a daze, not even realizing what was going on. I mean, it couldn't be real, could it? Went home that night and had a descent cry, still, death had not hit home. I remember most of Monday was about the same way. However, that afternoon as we were getting in the truck to go back to the pond house, it stabbed me, right in the heart. She would never be in the truck or in her car behind us going to Grandma's ever again. Never again would I see her pull up in the Ford Edge just to hop in with us to go eat dinner on D.D. Durrence like we always did. She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I don't think the real sting set in until we got to the funeral home for visitation on Tuesday. There is something about that place that just literally makes death REAL, makes death very much alive. That is when I talked to God, again, rather I got angry with God. I was crying but yet just full of anger. It wasn't fair, she could not be gone. She was not supposed to be laying in that casket for all to see. No, not my Aunt Lisa. I began to suddenly question why, why now? Big things were starting to happen, all of "her children" are hitting critical points in our lives and she will never be here to experience them again. Just gone. I was angry, very much so. Wednesday carried on the same way. 

The following days were a little better in that I did in fact finally reach the point of closure. I think I have gotten most of the crying out of the way, yes I definitely still have moments. But I have done more talking to God, let Him know that I was full of anger and that I am still full of sorrow, but it has been in those times that He has somehow assured me that He is my friend, things happen in His time, and she is so much better off. I hope that through all of this, me and God can become better friends and I will continue to share my anger, my grief and my continuous thoughts with Him, again as if He doesn't already know all of it. 


"So, if you're up there watching me, would you talk to God and say, tell Him I might need a hand to see you both someday, oh, my, my.... I'll see you on the other side.."

lessons in a song...

 The last night I really spoke to my Aunt Lisa is one I will never forget. I walked into the room and could tell it took all she had to even recognize who I was. However, after we carried on for a minute, she seemed to want to talk to me and to me alone. I went into that conversation thinking it would be a series of goodbyes and I love yous, but I am forever grateful that I was wrong. The short conversation wasn’t merely an exchange of words, but rather a singing of a few of our favorite songs. If you know how our relationship was, you would know that aside from the beach, a vital part of that relationship was music. So on that night, September 22, 2014, we sat and sang. 

Being the gentle, quiet spirit she most of the time was, it was sometimes hard for Aunt Lisa to say exactly how she felt or tell you exactly what needed to be told. However, I think that the timid youngster that used to get off the hook by saying, “You tell them, Ellen” learned her own language that she used in the classroom, in her office as a high school counselor and administrator, and in her everyday life among friends and family. That language was music. 

I will never forget the countless summer days that we spent riding back and forth to the ball fields for ball games. Olivia, Kaylyn, a few others, and I would always pile up in Aunt Lisa’s car just because we knew we could play whatever music we wanted in order to get pumped up for the next game. You could bet your bottom dollar that the song we would have on repeat was “All-Star”. It went something like this, “Hey, now, you’re an all star, get ya game on. Go play.” At the time, we took it literally but now, I think she would not only want us to listen to that song and cherish those good times but to also remember to do our best in the big game—life. 

Second, ole dolly…My how we loved Dolly.  Aunt Lisa’s favorite Dolly song was “Hard Candy Christmas”.  The chorus of that song says this, “I’ll be fine and dandy, Lord, it’s like a hard candy Christmas, I’m barely getting through tomorrow, but still I won’t let, sorrow bring me way down.” That song speaks for itself, but I cannot help but think of the constant reminders she gave all of us as the FAMILY counselor.  She would remind us that there is always worse and not to let our temporary sorrow keep us down. Everything in life isn’t hard candy.

A second Dolly song Aunt Lisa loved was “Islands in the Stream”. If you don’t know that one, I apologize, and when you leave here, please listen to it on the way home.  Scott, thank you for showing that no matter what, nothing or no one comes in between true love.  And to Grandma and Granddaddy, thank you for riding the stream with her until it quit flowing. 

When Joseph was little, we always had to listen to “Bouncy Ball”… probably the most annoying song on the face of the Earth. However, through all of that, she unknowingly taught me several important lessons about being a great mother that I will never forget, so thank you, Joseph, for making us sing about that bouncy, blue ball. 

I will end the lessons in a song with what I think is probably a favorite to many, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”. This song made it in just about every single car ride at least once, if not more than once. Several times, I believe that she, mama, Olivia and I competed to see just who could hit those high notes the best, and yes, it’s a wonder that the windows didn’t’ burst. I think, again, that the title speaks for itself, and I am thankful that she lived those three words out in her everyday life. She never quit believing in herself, her family, and most importantly through all of her hurt, she never stopped believing in the GREAT I AM. 

Now, for everyone, all of her lessons from songs are wonderful but if there is one thing that I think she would want to stick would be her all time favorite Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for You, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a new future.” Though God’s plans for Aunt Lisa are now complete and drawn up, He is not done with any of us yet and I know she wants us to follow His plans for our lives. She told me so on that last night, “It’s God’s plan,” she said.

John 13:7

I am not sure if there is ever a right time to say goodbye to someone you love. However, I know that whatever time it is, it is God's time. As I reflect back on the past year in both my life and my family's life, I cannot help but to again be thankful. I am thankful that Clay Ellis Kingery was bought into the world on August 17, 2013. What seemed like an utter disaster at the time turned out to be more than we could have ever wished for.

Because of Clay, we all had a reason to smile and laugh on days that disease made us all want to break down and cry. Because of Clay, we were able to experience life through the innocence of a child. Because of Clay, there were days when Aunt Lisa would not have otherwise even gotten out of bed, but somehow she did just to see and play with him. Because of Clay, she had something to look forward to while having to staying at Grandma's to get constant love and care. Because of Clay, we all learned that God doesn't make mistakes.

I cannot help but to think of the verse John 13:7, "and Jesus replied, right now you do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand." You see, though the birth of Clay was sometimes thought to have ended my life as I knew it (though it did), it also made a better life, for me and for my family. Now, that we mourn the death of Aunt Lisa. We, too, just like she did over the last year, all have something to smile about. I mean, I don't think there is a person around who wouldn't giggle at the site of a baby literally jumping on his knees as a means of transportation. (trust me, it is way funnier in person)

Through sickness and health, disease and heartache, grief and laughter, there is always, I mean always, something to smile and something to be thankful about. Clay just happens to be at the top of that list. :)

Scleroderma

In a blog post entitled “A Death Sentence Known as Scleroderma,” a mom of a girl named Kelly speaks of Kelly’s daily struggle with the disease, Scleroderma. She says, “It is especially hard when you have no idea if your daughter will last a month, a year or ten years. And for all of the mothers out there whose children are just being diagnosed, I want them to have a better fighting chance than I believe my daughter received. And I don’t want them to ever hear the words ‘We don’t know what causes it, and don’t know how to cure it, so just sit back and wait to die.’ To child of 17, that is nothing more than a death sentence that never gets out of their head.” (P. Mooney, page 1) Scleroderma is an autoimmune disorder made up of a group of diseases that affect connective tissue and organs within the body; there are several types of scleroderma, there is no cure and research remains critically unfunded.

            The word scleroderma is derived from the Greek words “skleros” which means hard or indurate. It is also derived from the Greek word “derma” which means skin. Hippocrates first described the “scleroderma condition” as “thickened skin.” In 1752, the first detailed description of scleroderma was given as “wood like or containing a dry hide.” In 1836, the term scleroderma was applied to patient’s condition for the very first time. The patient had dark leather like skin and exhibited a loss of range in joint motion due to the skin tightening. (S. Jimenez, page 1)

            Even though doctors and scientists do know that it affects the skin and organs, the cause is universally unknown. There are also a few things that the disease is not. Scleroderma is not cancerous. It is now contagious. It is not infectious. It is not malignant. (Scleroderma Foundation, page 1) However, the cause is completely unknown. Though the cause is primarily unknown, it is known that it begins by one’s body producing too much collagen in the skin and other organs. (U.S. National Library of Medicine, page 1) There are two main types of Scleroderma, localized and systemic. Localized type often only affects the skin and does not generally harm the major organs of one’s body. The systemic type affects the skin, blood vessels, and the major organs. Most localized types show up before one reaches age 40 and is the least common in African Americans. Systemic type is more common in ages 30-50 and is generally more serious than the localized type. (National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases, page 2)

            Though the cause is unknown, the effects and symptoms are certainly alive and visible. The disease affects mainly the skin, kidneys, heart, digestion, lungs, teeth, movement, and speech. From those, however, other problems could stem. Skin problems could include dry and stiff skin, fingers or toes turning blue or white, hair loss, and skin hardening or tightening. (U.S. National Library of Medicine, page 1) Dry mouth and dental problems include tight skin on your face, trouble caring for teeth, and harm to tissues in the mouth can loosen teeth. “Gastrointestinal problems can include heartburn, trouble swallowing, feeling full as soon as you start eating, and diarrhea, constipation, and gas.” (National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases, page 5) Problems from lung damage could include loss of lung function, lung disease, scarring of lung tissue, and high blood pressure. Heart problems include scarring and weakness, swelling of the heart muscle, and a heartbeat that isn’t normal. Kidney failure can also result from Scleroderma. Most people with Scleroderma have skin changes in how their skin looks which can affect their self-image. (National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases, page 6)

            Because of all of the effects of Scleroderma, your life can be rather changed by this awful disease. Everyday activities can sometimes be brought to a halt due to fatigue or other physical limitations brought on by the disease. I know this first hand from the toll it has played on my Aunt Lisa throughout the last five to ten years. She was diagnosed at the age of 18 and has had spells over the years but it is just now really affecting her life. For example, everyday as soon as she gets home from work, she goes straight home to sleep because her body literally cannot take anymore. In most people, problems with digestion may require changes in diet and they may have to eat several small meals rather than a few larger meals. Moisturizer applied to the skin is also very imperative to deal with dry and stiff skin. Patients stay very cold and in order to stay warm, it is good to dress in layers, wear socks, boots and gloves. More important than coping with physical ailments, patients must learn how to deal with the physiological and emotional toll it takes on the body. Just like any other chronic, fatal disease, coping with the fact that there is virtually no cure is literally distressing on the body and mind, to know that you could literally just harden up and die. (America College of Rheumatology Communications, page 2)

            Currently, scleroderma research remains critically unfunded by the National Institute of Health. However, the Scleroderma Research Foundation is doing all that it can to provide research and funds to support the fight against Scleroderma and the race to a cure. “Until new therapies are made possible by advances in medical research, people living with scleroderma continue to have hope, knowing that scientists are working every day on their behalf.” (Scleroderma Research Foundation, page 1)

To me, this awful disease is worse than cancer because it can potentially affect the entire body, not just a certain area. There is no cure and patients living with it have to find other ways to cope with the disease. It is my prayer that scientists can find something to give people like my Aunt Lisa hope that one day this fatal, chronic disease can at least be brought to a halt to prolong life and make better the quality of life, despite Scleroderma.

for a reason..

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now... Let's see if I can write them all down to where it makes some sort of sense and maybe does some inspiring or enlightening along the way.. 

First, I am a "cliche" person who believes and takes to heart many cliche sayings, like, my favorite, "everything happens for a reason." Tonight, I can share two accounts or proof of this to be true. 

Tuesday nights for me consist of YoungLife and Worship at the Wesley House. YoungLife is always awesome and goes above and beyond my expectations, however, at Wesley tonight... we sang the worship song, "Came to My Rescue." Not only is this one of my favorite songs ever, but it is one of my "go-to" songs when I am struggling with something. 

I distinctly remember after a very difficult time in my life about six months ago, I literally think I sang that song every day for like two weeks straight. It starts out like this, "Falling to my knees in worship, giving all I am to seek Your Face, Lord all I am is Yours. My whole life I place in Your hands, God of Mercy, humbled I bow down, in Your presence, at Your throne." This song just speaks volumes to me about the literal act of humbling ourselves when we cannot bear the load anymore and being willing to give "it" to God, whatever "it" may be. For me at the time, it was just a mix of emotions--anger, bitterness, regret, sorrow.. you name it, I was feeling it. 

The chorus then follows and says, "I called, You answered.. You came to my rescue and I, I wanna be where You are.." The beauty in these lines is that yes, as believers in Christ, we must have a constant routine of giving things up to God, but after doing that, we must trust that He will come to our rescue and we must trust that we are to be where He is. To go where He says go and stay where He says stay. Tonight, though, as we sang the song, it meant something different to me. It was a thankful, rejoicing  song; I am thankful in the fact that six months ago when I sang (okay maybe I actually screamed) but when I sang that song then, HE came to my rescue. The Lord of all the Earth met me in my place of distrust, my place of hurt, my place of discomfort and reminded me that I am His. 

Throughout this past week, I have also been dealing with more crazy emotions and mixed feelings about where I am supposed to be right now, so tonight it was also, me saying, "Hey, Lord, here I am again. Show me where to go. I am here in worship, listening to You. Now would You show me the way? Would You please come to my rescue again?" I kind of think of Daddy's and their little girls... As a young girl, I always called upon my Daddy to rescue me, didn't matter what from-Daddy could always save the day.. Got a splinter? Call Daddy. Need some help getting out of a batting slump? Call Daddy. Want to go get away from the world and ride on the four wheeler? Call Daddy. Need some help building a simple machine for 4th grade science? Call Daddy. In the same way, we are told to call upon the Lord and whatever we ask of, we shall receive. I said all of that to say that I felt a sense of peace tonight as my fellow "students" and I sang that song to the top of our lungs tonight in worship. I felt that Jesus was right there, at my rescue, again. Singing that song happened for a reason. 

Secondly, later on tonight as I came back into my from the night of worship, I realized that my phone will not charge. Now, the first "reason" that comes to mind for this happening is the fact that I might need to stay off of it just a tad, but with my 1 year old son at home without me, I have a hard time believing that to be true. However, in order to keep myself busy until I feel ready to go to bed. I scanned Facebook, particularly my Facebook profile. My, how rewarding that was. I, first and foremost, got to see how God has worked through my life through different trials and how He has continuously answered prayers (things I posted prior that have since been answered). I was also reminded what a STRONG support system I have and the community I have surrounding me that loves me unconditionally, I literally cried reading some comments and statuses. I was reminded how harsh death can be and how quickly life can be ended, by reading through my posts about a dear friend, Peyton Randall (love you, sweet girl.) Lastly, I was slapped in the face with just how fast life passes us by. I scrolled through the last two years of my life and could not believe that some events literally happened TWO years ago when I feel like they happened yesterday. It is sad to me that we spend most of our time wishing for future time that we rarely enjoy the present, that is the way of the world. I felt a sense of guilt as I myself have wished time away as much as the next, but I now have a one year old who will soon be two and then twenty if I am not careful. Time is of the essence and I am thankful for the reminder. Though I am bummed about my phone and will literally have waterworks on the 3rd floor of MEP if it does not cut on in the morning, my, am i thankful that it cut off so that I had time to reflect. I believe that my phone crashed, tonight in particular, for a reason. I could almost hear God Himself saying, "slow down, Elizabeth." 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can learn to appreciate them when they go right.... somehow good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." 

Every little thing, I believe, happens for a reason...

Bless ya! 

Elizabeth 

centrifuge

My first thought about Centrifuge Brain Project video is that though I love roller coasters, I would never be able to ride any of those rides... Good thing they are fake, right? The wedding cake ride was absolutely brilliant! I think it is interesting that one, someone thought things up like roller coasters so interesting and in depth as to talk and think about how they would affect the brains of both kids and adults alike. Two, I also think that it is immensely time consuming of someone to 

completely make this up. 

However, it proves one obvious, yet ugly truth of the world today: everything that we see isn't true, especially things in and on the media. There are plenty of things in the media and on the internet or TV that completely aren't true, yet we perceive them as true because of former instances or because the ones providing info make it completely believable. 

Who's up for a ride on the wedding cake?? By the way, if you haven't seen the video- you must look it up to see for yourself... Type in Centrifuge Brain Project into Google. 

then sings my soul...

I know I have mentioned before just how thankful I am to be where I am right now in my life, but I am mentioning it again because the thankfulness still rings true, every single day, my heart is thankful. I am blessed and I realize that every day that I wake up at the beautiful campus that is Mercer University. I am grateful that I have met so many new friends while here and that I am able to be involved in so many new, challenging, rewarding things. Last night, me and one of my best girl friends sat down and wrote down things in our planner for the next couple of months. Literally, it is so full. However, the fullness brings joy to my soul. To know that I can spend a weekend at Epworth by the Sea with my Wesley group, to know that I have bible study one night a week, to know that I can wake up and go to the gym with friends, and to know that on Saturdays I will be in the stands cheering on the Bears brings utter fulfillment to my soul. I am so happy here and know that this is right where I am supposed to be at this particular time in my life. While most days, I have moments of weakness because I miss Clay, I press on because this is my new home and one day my new home will have made a totally new, better, enriching home for both me and him.

As teenagers, I know that we can get lost in this crazy world, trying to fit in and be somebody. It takes time and hard work to truly get where one wants to be. However, as teenagers, myself included, I hope that we can dig down deep to find where the rubber meets the road and to find where and what it is that makes us tick, what is it that makes our soul joyful, what is it that makes us content in where we are. For me, yes I am happy at Mercer, but before I made this move in my life, I prayed long and hard about it. I still pray continuously for God to show me His way and where I am supposed to be. I don't know that we are ever FULLY content, but I know that we can get pretty dang close if we take time to smell the roses, take time to listen to your heart, and take time to follow the One who leads your heart. I am thankful that I have done so for there is no doubt in my mind that I am right where He wants me. 

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Oh, Mary..

Excuse the late night study "selfie", please...

Tonight, I had the privilege of attending RUF (Reformed University Fellowship). We were presented a "sermon" or lesson over the story of Jesus' birth. It was a much different approach than any I had ever heard before.

The part that sticks out the most in my mind, though, is that of Mary. Having been thru all that comes with pregnancy (teenage pregnancy might I add), the nastiness (truth hurts) of labor and the struggle of a newborn.. my heart literally, truly, utterly aches for sweet, innocent Mary.

I honestly cannot fathom the thought of literally being told that I would be with child knowing I was a virgin. I cannot fathom the thought of traveling to a crowded inn to have my child.. and then being thrown into a stable to do such a thing as labor? Are you kidding? With stinky, nasty animals surrounding me? Cannot fathom the nervousness and anxiousness that Mary must have felt to know that her newborn would be a Savior to all of the people, as it is written in Luke. All moms are rather biased to their children... but really? You're telling me that I am to birth the One who will save THE people, like my people, your people.. ALL THE people. Whoa, angel, whoa. Not me. (see, just wouldn't rock with me)

But, oh.... blessed Mary...

It is just an amazing story that God literally came down in the flesh as the Savior Jesus Christ and CHOSE to be born the way He was--the beauty of the mess...in the filthiness of a stable outside of a crowded inn, child of a scared, timid, young virgin....


Oh, Mary... Bless you.

Destiny... More than a wife.

Before beginning my college journey, about a month ago, I stumbled across an article written by a woman entitled "67 things I wish I had known at 18"... I, being the curious, random person that I am just had to read this article, especially since I am 18 (how perfect, right? maybe this article will help me figure everything out! Ha!)

Let me just briefly say, the quick tips on those 67 lines were beyond helpful and most certainly true and I am thankful that I just happened to find it, right in the middle of my 18th year. However, tonight, as I just read back thru the 67 things, I had to stop at number 31: "you are destined to be more than someone's wife. act like it." Wow. Whether we like to admit or not, as teenage girls walking a college campus, the one thing constantly running thru our minds is that one cute guy in our Economics class or the one reallyyyyy cute guy that we just caught looking at us for more than five seconds from across the cafeteria... but I worry sometimes that we, as girls, (myself included) get all too carried away stressing over our relationship with a significant other. I mean, after all we are destined to be something on our own, too, right? I hope to one day land a career in the field of Marketing... that is what I am destined to be, right? I want to have a family of my own... I am destined to be a mom, right? I want to travel the world.. that, too, is part of my destiny, right?

I am so thankful that both of my parents have encouraged and pushed me to "make-do" and do certain things on my own as well as make sure that I get a career of my own so that I will one day be able to provide for myself and my family on my own without a "husband." What if I don't get married? What if the guy that God chooses for me gets deathly ill and can no longer provide for the needs of our family? What if one day the man whom I love with everything in me decides to up and walk away, for whatever reason? This day and time, if there is one thing for certain: it is the uncertain. No one ever knows what tomorrow may bring our way.

Though it probably is in our destiny to one day make someone a happy man and become his wife.. I truly hope that we college girls can look over that one tiny glimpse into the future and focus on all of the other things that life brings our way, too.

One of my favorite authors wrote this, "There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do, a future that is impossible to ignore."

Though we may not always be able to ignore that really handsome football player in the library or the cute frat boy in the business hall, we must wait on our own destiny to arrive and be as it may--a wife, a school teacher, sunday school teacher, mom or all of the above... It will blow and then, we will know.. destiny...


Bless you!
Elizabeth

more than sideways ponytails... priorities

So much has changed in the past year... As I sit back and look at my Instagram posts over the course of the last 50-60 weeks.. It amazes me. My daddy has always said things like "it will be gone before you know it." or "your priorities will soon change." and like any teenage girl.. My, how it all goes in one ear and out of the other.. But, over time, I've learned... he is so right.

PRIORITIES? Yeah... Right. About those... 

Middle school: my priorities, in no particular order were as follows.... making sure my high, sideways, (so unattractive) ponytail was fixed just right, making sure my jeans were just long enough to cover my sperrys, texting my friends to make sure we wore the same tshirt on the same day at least once every single week (oh and the sleeves were rolled up twice on each arm), and finally, being the biggest teacher's pet I could possibly be. 

High school: priorities to me were arriving to school fashionably late just to be "cool"; making sure I had a seat in the student section at home football games; having at least one "rough" day a week at school and by rough, I mean like swear pants, hair tied chilling with no make-up on type of rough; joining all the clubs I could possibly join; worrying about quanity of friends rather than quality; and finally, making sure that no matter what happened, there was some boy at my fingertips.

And now, beginning of college.... 

Instead of the high sideways ponytail, it is now the high, Kim K ponytail or a high "sock bun". 

It is making sure to have Chaco sandals to walk campus in rather than sperrys. 

Instead of teacher's pet, I just get teachers' email for emergencies, but only for emergencies! Or questions... Maybe they may sometimes constitute as an emergency. 

You better hope you're not late to class, actually it should be a priority to get there exactly on time or you just might miss that Old Testament quiz that is given the first five minutes of class... 

The one rough day has suddenly turned into a priority of just getting up and putting on powder at least every day, maybe. (A girl can dream, right?) 

It is having few quality friends, quality relationships rather than 20 million that mean nothing. 

Lastly, boys are just friends at this point and having just some boy is no longer "cool" but rather waiting on the right one Friendship, with everyone, is such a priority and that I hope it stays.. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think however, the biggest priority, all throughout the years is to get yourself together and keep yourself together... The high ponytails will come and go, the friends will come and then leave, teachers change like the wind, shoes go out of style... But you and me... We stay the same. We are still us at the end of the day, and that "us" should be the best it could possibly be.. 

One of my favorite quotes ever reads, "whatever you are, be a good one." Priorities, my friends, priorities... 

He's surely alive!

As long as today has felt (it really hasn't been that long--I was out of class at 12!), but as long as it has felt, I have to reflect on the hour or so of quiet time that I did have to chill out in my best friend's room and watch God's Not Dead. How inspiring.

Truly, I mean, if you, me, whoever were all in a classroom like that where on the first day we were told to confess in writing that God is in fact dead or prove otherwise... what would we do? Stand up to the professor and prove his wrong way of thinking? Spend way too many hours researching in order to prove scientists' theory wrong? "Break-up" with a special someone because they didn't agree with or go along with your attempt to prove faith over philosophy? Teach the class your findings on faith rather than the teacher teaching against faith?

Quite frankly, I wish all of us could easily answer yes, yes and yes to all of those questions, but in all honestly.... no, we probably wouldn't stand up to our professor (are you kidding, really? stand up to a professor? no way! at least not *out loud* in front of the class, on the *very first* day of class) We also wouldn't stay up later and ditch other classes homework just to research for the sake of proving that God is in fact alive. As college students, just like Josh in the movie, I bet 9 out of 10 of us would most certainly not leave a significant other just because of this one disagreement, not like he did anyway at the first sign of unlikeness. Finally, as meek, nervous college freshman we dang sure don't plan on teaching the class how or what we think! (i came here to be taught, not to teach!)

Okay... so what if we did do all of those things.... even as hard as it would be... to stand up, possibly risking admission into law school like Josh.... what a wonderful sight that would be. The truth is, both me and you alike, as Christians are called to be bold. 1 Corinthians 13:16 says this, "be on your guard. stand firm in the faith. be brave be strong."

Be bold. - GODS NOT DEAD!

Thankful for the New

Today, as the second day of class, I am just still continuously thankful. I am thankful for the new experiences, new friends, new teachers, and new environment. After tonight, however, I think I am most thankful for true, both new and old, friends. I had the privilege of driving over to Miledgvile, GA at GSCU to hang out with both new and old friends. I am just thankful that though me and my "old friends" have moved to college, we can still stay in touch and make surprising visits to one another; also thankful that while doing so we introduce one another to new friends, as well. t is exciting to face the coming days, events and years here at Mercer University in Macon with all of my friends. Ironic as it may be, Helen Keller once said, "I would rather walk with a friend through the dark than alone in the light."