the most wonderful time of the year

Never in my life have I been so ready for the holidays. Growing up, I always watched Hallmark and Lifetime movies with my Mama and saw where families would get so excited when loved ones would come home after being away and I just never quite understood it because all of my family was always together anyway. 

This year, though, I do understand it for two reasons. The first one is, I have been away. Even though I go home pretty much every weekend, I am still away a lot of the time and miss out on most of the day to day activities at home. I am so excited to go home and fellowship with all of my family and to truly appreciate each other and not have to worry about leaving again for a while. I am excited to decorate the house with all of the Christmas trees and garland. I am ready to wake up next to Clay and snuggle in every day, to stay up until midnight catching up with my Mama as we stand in opposite sides of the kitchen. I am ready to just be home in my bed every night. I can't wait to have a homecoming similar to the ones on all of the movies I have always watched growing up! 

Second, this year, my family experienced loss like never before with the death of my Aunt Lisa. I know for me and I think for the rest of them, the holidays and time together will mean something more than years prior because we have learned how important today is. We are all only guaranteed the second that we are in right now. Tomorrow may literally never come. The time spent together on the holidays should be the happiest of all times and while I know that this year will be hard because it will be the first without her, I hope that we can truly cherish each other for we never know who may leave us between this year and next.. 

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc are truly the most wonderful time of the year. Fellowship with family and friends is something that goes unmatched in matters of the heart and will forever be cherished in this heart of mine. 

Clay Ellis

Dear Clay,

I am sorry that I am not home most of the time. I hate that I have to miss out on day to day life with you. I miss you more than you could ever know. I hope that one day you understand the temporary sacrifices I am making right now for both me but more importantly, you. 

You see, you came a little early in the grand scheme of things and of life. You came right before Mama had to make big decisions about where life would lead me next. Temporarily thinking about what lied ahead, I was content in staying at home with both you and your daddy. But then, he and I decided to go our separate ways. I knew then I needed a change. Your "E-Ma" and "Pa-Pa" love me and you both so much that they offered to keep you so that I could start over and move away to school. I took their offer because even then I knew that I couldn't stay at home to be a full time Mama and college student. I knew that I wanted to do my very best at school so that I could provide the best future for us, me and you. 

I do not regret my decision because I know it is something I have to do. However, it does not change the fact that I miss you everyday and the older you get, the more I miss out on everyday. There are nights when my heart just aches because I want nothing more than to be home with you, to play with you, fedd you, bathe you and then rock you to sleep. But I am doing the best I can here at the best little school in America, Mercer University. I hope that one day you can read this or something similar and be proud of me. One day I will be able to better provide for us because of the education I am receiving here. 

In the meantime, please be sweet to your "E-Ma", "Pa-Pa", Aunt Lilly, Uncle Jakey, and Allison! They are helping us out more than you will ever know! I cannot wait to see all of you on Tuesday!

Love you to the moon and back, little one.