Concerts and Jesus

I shared before my love for music and the sharing of that love that was between Aunt Lisa and I for all types of music, but especially country genre. I mean if she and I had a list of what we loved most, after Jesus Christ and family, I am quite positive that both of us would have country music as a close third. Aside from just the music, we LOVED country music concerts. So much so that for my birthday and/or Christmas the last several years, I got concert tickets so that she and I could go.

I remember my first concert, at the time, I was in the second grade. She and my mama signed me out of school and we traveled down to Jacksonville, Fl to see Kenny Chesney, Dierks Bentley, and Keith Urban. I felt on top of the world; I mean, a concert of those three was every girls dream at the time. I still remember the tshirt I got; a pale yellow Kenny Chesney shirt with a picture of him at the beach on the front and a list of his tour dates on the back.

After that memorable first one, we saw icons like Rascal Flatts with Kellie Pickler; Jason Aldean (about 5 times, he was/is my fave) with Lauren Alaina; Toby Keith with Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert (before either of them became big); Tim McGraw with Jason Aldean; Lady Antebellum; Eric Church with Brantley Gilbert; and finally, Luke Bryan (also about 5 times, he was her favorite). Needless to say, it was out favorite pastime. There are certain lessons/rules/memorable sayings that we had that I will always hold dear to my heart.

1. Months before the concert, it was imperative to download any song by the artist we didn't already have and listen to it along with all of the other songs by them so that we knew ALL of the words to EVERY one.
2. Because we went well prepared, we took it upon ourselves to always point out the "dummies" who wouldn't sing or worse, would sing even when they clearly did not know the words. (that was probably her worst pet peeve)
3. If you're going to spend money on a ticket, why not spend a little extra and "do it big"? By that, I mean if you are going to a concert, "nose bleeds" seats are not an option. Buy them ahead and sit close enough so that you can actually enjoy Luke's dance moves or Jason's trademark head nod.
4. Time is of the essence; it is important to arrive in plenty of time. You just never know what can happen between arrival time and time of the concert. The opening act is not something to take lightly. Never know what kind of hit star they may become, everyone has to start somewhere.
5. NEVER do you leave the FIRST time that the headliner goes off the stage, they always come back and you never know what they will sing or do in the encore. More often than not, it is the best part of the show.
6. Finally, make friends with those around you. Drunk or not, you never know what can happen. Rarely have I attended a concert and left without considering the people next to me "acquaintances", may have been drunk ones, but acquaintances none the less.

Said all of that to say, of all the concerts we went too, never did we attend Luke Bryan's Farm Tour together. Which was rather a shame considering he comes within five miles of my house every single year. I was always the stickler for not wanting to go. This year, with me being in Macon and him also coming here to play, I meant that I was going, and since her passing, I somehow felt like I owed it to her to go because bless her heart, she contemplated going literally every year only for me to talk her out of it. Due to drama with friends, I arrived late which I could see her rolling her eyes with disappointment because she taught me better. Got there and I soon realized why I had never wanted to go. A field with everyone and their mama drunk off of their butts. No seats to separate people, no security at every row to keep things in line, and no designated smoking areas or trash cans every where you looked. Just a field with a bunch of drunk rednecks. Awful. 

Beyond that, for me, it was more awful because that was the first concert I attended without her. Lonely had instantly reached a whole new level. I felt so lost, for the one person I wanted to be there with me, I realized would never be able to attend another one with me. I am so thankful that we did share that love for country music and country concerts because now that I have the first one under my belt, I hope that the concerts I choose to attend in the future will be the places in which I feel her presence with me the most and instead of feeling lonely, I will feel a beautiful, singing angel next to me.

Thank God for Jesus. Thank God for family. Thank God for memories. Thank God for country music. Thank God for concerts.  

God as a friend

I posted a quote from one of my favorite books and movies on Facebook a while back that said this, "Never forget that God is your friend. And like all friends, He longs to hear what's been happening in your life. Good or bad, whether it's been full of sorrow or anger, or even when you're questioning why terrible things have to happen."

At the time, I did it for the moment of mere inspiration it provided me, in hopes that it might do the same for another. I never knew the truth it would hold in the days and weeks to come. As you know, my family and I have experienced disease which led to a quick, unfortunate death to one of my most treasured people on the Earth. Going home on Friday and knowing that it literally could be any second made me feel sick to my stomach. However, on that drive back home, I did in fact talk to God and tell Him what was going on (as if He didn't already know), I talked to Him and just asked Him to provide us with peace and comfort in the days to come. Prior, I had asked Him to please just help Aunt Lisa to quit suffering. 

Sunday morning was the time. It happened, 7 am Sunday morning. I remember walking into the living room to find mama and Clay in the rocking chair and I just knew. It had happened. My role model and one of my best friends was gone. Just like that. Sunday, though, was not when it hit. I spent the rest of that day totally in a daze, not even realizing what was going on. I mean, it couldn't be real, could it? Went home that night and had a descent cry, still, death had not hit home. I remember most of Monday was about the same way. However, that afternoon as we were getting in the truck to go back to the pond house, it stabbed me, right in the heart. She would never be in the truck or in her car behind us going to Grandma's ever again. Never again would I see her pull up in the Ford Edge just to hop in with us to go eat dinner on D.D. Durrence like we always did. She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I don't think the real sting set in until we got to the funeral home for visitation on Tuesday. There is something about that place that just literally makes death REAL, makes death very much alive. That is when I talked to God, again, rather I got angry with God. I was crying but yet just full of anger. It wasn't fair, she could not be gone. She was not supposed to be laying in that casket for all to see. No, not my Aunt Lisa. I began to suddenly question why, why now? Big things were starting to happen, all of "her children" are hitting critical points in our lives and she will never be here to experience them again. Just gone. I was angry, very much so. Wednesday carried on the same way. 

The following days were a little better in that I did in fact finally reach the point of closure. I think I have gotten most of the crying out of the way, yes I definitely still have moments. But I have done more talking to God, let Him know that I was full of anger and that I am still full of sorrow, but it has been in those times that He has somehow assured me that He is my friend, things happen in His time, and she is so much better off. I hope that through all of this, me and God can become better friends and I will continue to share my anger, my grief and my continuous thoughts with Him, again as if He doesn't already know all of it. 


"So, if you're up there watching me, would you talk to God and say, tell Him I might need a hand to see you both someday, oh, my, my.... I'll see you on the other side.."

lessons in a song...

 The last night I really spoke to my Aunt Lisa is one I will never forget. I walked into the room and could tell it took all she had to even recognize who I was. However, after we carried on for a minute, she seemed to want to talk to me and to me alone. I went into that conversation thinking it would be a series of goodbyes and I love yous, but I am forever grateful that I was wrong. The short conversation wasn’t merely an exchange of words, but rather a singing of a few of our favorite songs. If you know how our relationship was, you would know that aside from the beach, a vital part of that relationship was music. So on that night, September 22, 2014, we sat and sang. 

Being the gentle, quiet spirit she most of the time was, it was sometimes hard for Aunt Lisa to say exactly how she felt or tell you exactly what needed to be told. However, I think that the timid youngster that used to get off the hook by saying, “You tell them, Ellen” learned her own language that she used in the classroom, in her office as a high school counselor and administrator, and in her everyday life among friends and family. That language was music. 

I will never forget the countless summer days that we spent riding back and forth to the ball fields for ball games. Olivia, Kaylyn, a few others, and I would always pile up in Aunt Lisa’s car just because we knew we could play whatever music we wanted in order to get pumped up for the next game. You could bet your bottom dollar that the song we would have on repeat was “All-Star”. It went something like this, “Hey, now, you’re an all star, get ya game on. Go play.” At the time, we took it literally but now, I think she would not only want us to listen to that song and cherish those good times but to also remember to do our best in the big game—life. 

Second, ole dolly…My how we loved Dolly.  Aunt Lisa’s favorite Dolly song was “Hard Candy Christmas”.  The chorus of that song says this, “I’ll be fine and dandy, Lord, it’s like a hard candy Christmas, I’m barely getting through tomorrow, but still I won’t let, sorrow bring me way down.” That song speaks for itself, but I cannot help but think of the constant reminders she gave all of us as the FAMILY counselor.  She would remind us that there is always worse and not to let our temporary sorrow keep us down. Everything in life isn’t hard candy.

A second Dolly song Aunt Lisa loved was “Islands in the Stream”. If you don’t know that one, I apologize, and when you leave here, please listen to it on the way home.  Scott, thank you for showing that no matter what, nothing or no one comes in between true love.  And to Grandma and Granddaddy, thank you for riding the stream with her until it quit flowing. 

When Joseph was little, we always had to listen to “Bouncy Ball”… probably the most annoying song on the face of the Earth. However, through all of that, she unknowingly taught me several important lessons about being a great mother that I will never forget, so thank you, Joseph, for making us sing about that bouncy, blue ball. 

I will end the lessons in a song with what I think is probably a favorite to many, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”. This song made it in just about every single car ride at least once, if not more than once. Several times, I believe that she, mama, Olivia and I competed to see just who could hit those high notes the best, and yes, it’s a wonder that the windows didn’t’ burst. I think, again, that the title speaks for itself, and I am thankful that she lived those three words out in her everyday life. She never quit believing in herself, her family, and most importantly through all of her hurt, she never stopped believing in the GREAT I AM. 

Now, for everyone, all of her lessons from songs are wonderful but if there is one thing that I think she would want to stick would be her all time favorite Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for You, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a new future.” Though God’s plans for Aunt Lisa are now complete and drawn up, He is not done with any of us yet and I know she wants us to follow His plans for our lives. She told me so on that last night, “It’s God’s plan,” she said.

John 13:7

I am not sure if there is ever a right time to say goodbye to someone you love. However, I know that whatever time it is, it is God's time. As I reflect back on the past year in both my life and my family's life, I cannot help but to again be thankful. I am thankful that Clay Ellis Kingery was bought into the world on August 17, 2013. What seemed like an utter disaster at the time turned out to be more than we could have ever wished for.

Because of Clay, we all had a reason to smile and laugh on days that disease made us all want to break down and cry. Because of Clay, we were able to experience life through the innocence of a child. Because of Clay, there were days when Aunt Lisa would not have otherwise even gotten out of bed, but somehow she did just to see and play with him. Because of Clay, she had something to look forward to while having to staying at Grandma's to get constant love and care. Because of Clay, we all learned that God doesn't make mistakes.

I cannot help but to think of the verse John 13:7, "and Jesus replied, right now you do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand." You see, though the birth of Clay was sometimes thought to have ended my life as I knew it (though it did), it also made a better life, for me and for my family. Now, that we mourn the death of Aunt Lisa. We, too, just like she did over the last year, all have something to smile about. I mean, I don't think there is a person around who wouldn't giggle at the site of a baby literally jumping on his knees as a means of transportation. (trust me, it is way funnier in person)

Through sickness and health, disease and heartache, grief and laughter, there is always, I mean always, something to smile and something to be thankful about. Clay just happens to be at the top of that list. :)