I long for...

I have sat today, in class and at work, just reading the hate and animosity from both sides. The threats, fowl language, and disregard for each other and my heart is broken. Here is some truth in the midst of turmoil.

This world has and always will be a cruel place. The fall of man made it that way. We are born selfish, sick, unlovable people. Thank the Lord we have a Savior who made it so we can be unselfish, clean and lovable.

I never stress about politics and frankly don't get involved with them much. For one reason alone: God is sovereign. I talked with my roommate and closest friend yesterday and said, "Allie, I think it is so silly how people are posting to pray everywhere as if that will change the result of this thing." She laughed. It reminded me of Proverbs 31 where a Godly woman is described. It says she laughs because she has NO FEAR of the future. Things are rough here and will only get rougher, people. The Bible says so, but have no fear because this world has been overcome.

I believe in praying without ceasing. Without prayer, there have been many days when I know I couldn't have made it. But praying for God to choose a certain candidate is so silly. If you think that He didn't know from the very beginning who would win this thing, you're wrong. The state of our nation is absolutely no surprise to Him. What was a surprise to Him, I'm sure, are the thousands of people who have all of a sudden "turned to Him" during this process and have never answered His call on their heart prior. I just don't think it is adequate or fair to fall on your knees to BEG for a certain candidate to win. For His hand to be in it, yes. For His mercy to reign, yes. But you cannot just expect His will to change. Even news reporters call this election a miracle, and I don't know about you but when I hear the word "miracle", I think of God, God's hand and God's way.

Do I or are we all supposed to always understand God's plan? Are you kidding me? Throughout this past year of my life, I have learned to pray not for understanding, but for patience to endure, peace in the midst of life's happenings and the strength to play my part when I'm called. Trump is our president and I'd be lying if I said that I agree with everything he has done or said. But here I am, a young female with a son, a family who I love more than anything and friends of all colors and sexualities and I am unsure of what is to come for us.

So what do we do now? We continue to pray. I have seen too many things in my life turn out to be for a greater good than I EVER thought possible. So we pray that in the midst of all the hurt, the anger, the sadness and whatever else is to come that people do TRULY turn to Jesus as cry for hope. We hope that a greater good will shine and that we can be the American people that we are supposed to be. We seek peace and patience. I have learned that peace often comes from not seeking to understand. So while I will never, and I admit, I will never be able to fully understand the oppression that so many people feel, I can cling to the peace which comes only from knowing Jesus Christ. Most of all, we love. We love without expectation or justification. We just do it because we want the same in return.

I long for the day that we can look back and laugh at every single one of these posts. I long for the day that I can tell my son about how we actually became unified under a president who no one thought would even become elected. I long for the day that we can truly put our faith in someone bigger than this nation. I long for the day when everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions and words.


I long for Jesus.
"I have told you these things so that in me you will have peace. In this world, you will have trouble, but fear not, for I have overcome the world." John 16:33

21 Things on my 21st

i reflected a week ago on experiences in my life so far, things I've learned, and lessons/just things I want to carry with me or things I would tell someone younger than me... here it goes..


1. Trust your gut. Always. It's right, 99% of the time and that 1% might be a good lesson learned.
2. Follow your heart. Similar to 1, but hey, the heart knows what it wants, right?
3. Pray without ceasing. About the smallest of things and the biggest of things... prayer, it changes everything.
4. Don't apologize for how you feel because being strong has absolutely nothing to do with hiding feelings.
5. Choose wisely who and what you spend your time on.
6. Live in community and keep your friends close to you, in person and spirit.
7. Don't ever ever look back.
8. Study hard. Nothing worth having comes easy.
9. Take time for yourself. 2 hours of solidarity might be just what you need to "get yo self together".
10. Take pictures, lots.
11. Be a part of something bigger than yourself. It may feel like work, but it will be a blessing.
12. Listen to understand.
13. Bad days happen and can actually be used for good--strength.
14. Not going out doesn't mean missing out.
15. Challenge yourself to something new as often as possible.
16. Go home and remember where you're from.
17. Know that you're worth more than you could ever imagine and don't settle for anyone who treats you like less.
18. Learn as much as you can. Preacher man says a day is wasted if you didn't learn something new
19. Your actions speak louder than your age, education or your words.
20. Laugh hard and often.
21. Love harder and completely.

eye of the storm

I have been dreading this week for about a week now... everyday without my aunt lisa is hard, but her final days here on this earth were extremely hard for all of us. Therefore it makes sense that every year the days Sept 25-28 are terrible....

I will never forget the last time I saw her. I remember I had on a Peach State Pride purple t-shirt with the pink peach, skinny jeans and chaco sandals. I went straight to Statesboro that Friday to see her in hospice before even going home. I remember mama had warned me to not expect her to say anything, do anything or even really know who I was.

I walked in the room. The room was a light blue, I think. I remember her entire bed was white. She was so sick laying there--like a vegetable. Mom was right; she couldn't do anything really except lay there. But, when I walked in, she looked up and smiled. I laid down with her, cuddled up next to her like I had done so many times before in her king sized bed at home and I just cried. I tried to not let her see me but I just cried. I stayed there with her for as long as I could stand it, which wasn't long. I told her bye and that I loved her.

I swore I wouldn't go back. Whether she passed the next minute or the next week, I wasn't ever going to see my hero laying there in the bed like that again.


Tonight, September 27, I went to Wesley worship. This is only the second time this year I have attended. I had some God moments.  Last week, I didn't attend, but they started a series on Peter and the storm. Tonight, we had  different kind of worship (Wesley is known for "different" and I love it). Anyway, someone read a poem of sorts, a graphic story of the night that Peter trusted Jesus in the storm. Afterwards, we had a time of prayer and reflection.

I spent my time in prayer praying for Mrs. Terri, Tori and their family. For Coy and for his family. For healing and that they would lean on God in this time of need.

The pastor ended the time of prayer in a short sermon and this is when God really spoke to me through him. Greg said that when he was in high school a mentor of his told him that a storm was coming. Maybe not right this second, maybe not in the next few months, but a storm is coming. Heck, you may be living through a storm right now and not even know it. But a storm is always coming.

To a naive high school student that didn't mean much, but it is so true. I think what's important, though, is what we do in the storm. For my family, scleroderma and death was our storm. For some, it's a terrible wreck. For others, it may be depression. I don't know what your storm is, but I know that we all have storms. Maybe now, maybe later. But they will come.

Like Peter, we have a choice to make. In the darkest night, when the storm is raging, when the wind is howling, the waves are crashing and we literally cannot see in front of us--we have a choice. Do we throw up our hands and forget about Jesus leading us? Do we look for Him in the midst of darkness? Do we follow our friends and not respond to His call? Do we get out of the boat and say if it's you, God, tell me to come? Do we cry out for Him to save us when we are sinking?

I don't know what your storms are, but I know that through my biggest storm yet--hurricane, even...

I HAVE to ask God to save me. Save me from my sadness and my bitterness because without You, it could overcome me. Save me from my doubt that You are good and Your way is perfect. Save me from my disbelief that You won't catch me when I fall.


In the eye of storm, You remain in control and I know that full well. I trust You, for You have saved me.